Everyone Communicates, Few Connect – Part I

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Part I - Chapters 1-3

Chapter 1


  • What is your overall impression of chapter 1 – what sticks out?

Inspiration on why it is important to connect

Connecting = increased influence

  • Everything rises and falls on leadership
  • What do you think about the discussion regarding the presidents’ ability to connect?

Leading a country – huge job – interesting how important connecting is.

  • Connecting as it relates to student/teacher, child/parent
  • Maxwell wasn’t a natural connector¬†

Loved his story about connecting with his wife-to-be’s mom

  • how did he change?

Choices when frustrated from failure: crash, cope, change, but with coping you don’t move forward

  • Stories of the businessmen connecting – the grid of Hich Achiever – Average Achiever – Low Achiever (pg 17)

4 principles 

  1. Focus on others
  2. Expand connection beyond just words
  3. marshall your energy to connect
  4. Learn from great connectors

5 Skills

  1. Find common ground
  2. Making your communication simple
  3. Capture people’s interest
  4. Inspire
  5. Be authentic


  • Connecting 1-1

80-90 percent of ALL connecting occurs at this level

In your “herd” who can you connect with?

Prepare questions ahead of time

Bring something of value – could be YouTube link, other links, books, etc.

Ask if you can help

  • Connecting in a group

Intentional compliments

Add value to the group – what is the group going through?

Celebrate success

  • Connect with an audience

Chapter 2


  • What is your overall impression of chapter 1 – what sticks out?

Taking your eyes off yourself


Tour guides that just want to be the center – pour out facts.

Speakers and teachers who just want to ram the facts

Lots of Ego and self-centeredness

Have you ever been talking to someone, only to find you weren’t listening, but waiting to say your next thing? I have.

John’s lightbulb moment (Zig Ziglar)

Principle 4 – learn from great communicators

Told stories, laugh, cry

PRINCIPLE: first help someone get what they want, they will help you get what you want

John was correcting others instead of connecting

Connecting is always about the other person

Definition of Maturity – see and act on behalf of others (pg 30)

The 20 points of Property Law by a Toddler – LOVED IT (pg 30)

Dump the ego

Speakers, worry less about your performance and more about whether or not you are connecting

What is the name of the cleaning lady?

Value everyone

Story of Gloria Jeans – in the people business serving coffee

3 questions – communicate selflessness

  • Do you care for me?

Interesting story – the Shamu whale trainer – must be all about Shamu

  • Can you help me?

Nobody wants to be sold, everyone wants to be helped. 

  • Can I trust you?

The car salesman example is illustrative – big time.

People take action for their agenda, which is why we need to get on that agenda.

What is the student’s agenda?

What is SOZO agenda?

How do we bring them together?

John’s story about going to the book publisher – preparing by asking “If I were the publisher, what would I want?”

Figure out THEIR agenda


  • Connecting 1-1

Make them feel valued. How?

Be a good listener

Ask questions

Share your own values

  • Connecting in a group

Invite participation

Understand the strength of each individual

Acknowledge that value

Allow others to lead certain areas

  • Connect with an audience

Chapter 3


  • What is your overall impression of chapter 1 – what sticks out?

Relatable examples of connecting VS not-connecting (singers, teachers, managers)


Your actions speak so loudly, I can’t hear what you say – great quote

QUESTION: how is face to face communication broken down?

  • words – 7%
  • tone of voice – 38%
  • body language – 55%

Words are limited

QUESTION: what are the 3 elements we must include when communicating?

  • something we know – thought
  • something we feel – emotion
  • something we do – action

Your messages must contain a piece of you

Be more than a messenger – be the message

John’s examples of the books he wrote – they were his experiences

John’s connection checklist

  • did I do my best – integrity
  • did I please my sponsor – expectation
  • did I understand and relate to the audience – relevance
  • did I add value to the people – value
  • did I give people a game plan – application
  • did I make a difference – change

QUESTION: what are the 4 components of connection?

  • what people see
  • what people understand
  • what people feel
  • what people hear

Stats on where people get their news from

We live in a digital world – YouTube, FB, Twitter – that is what we are competing with

QUESTION: how much time do you have to make your first impression?

7 seconds…7seconds!

How to increase your visual effectiveness

  • Eliminate personal distractions – look sharp, talk clearly

Public speaking – you want a wake up call? – video yourself and watch it!

  • Expand your range of expression

Your face should be smiling at least!

Your expressions can communicate quite a bit.

  • Move with a sense of purpose

John’s story about not getting the job at the grocery store

  • Open posture

Amazing how folded arms can create a barrier to communication

Physical touch – handshake – pat on back

  • Pay attention to surroundings

If you are trying to connect with a student while they are on their phone or playing a video game…forget it

How to increase your intellectual effectiveness

Know your subject and yourself…WELL!

The Laughton Christmas story “I know the psalm, she knows the Shepherd.”

There is no substitute for personal experience.

Be comfortable in your own skin.

How to increase your emotional effectiveness

Winning HEARTS and minds

Statement (pg 64) from therapist:

“…the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change.”

Whatever is inside of you will eventually come out – positive or negative. As a man thinketh…

People hear words but feel attitude

The remember how you made them feel

LOVED Ty Cobb’s response to the batting question “…because I’m 70.”


Be positive and believe in yourself

How to increase your verbal effectiveness

Now let’s talk about words…the last thing by the way

Listen to speakers, read, read, read, books, speeches, everything

Focus on positive words. Uplifting, even when you are addressing issues or problems.

Practice – be intentional – be aware of what you are saying

Best advice – learn how to be yourself

Learn through trial and error

It is ok to “borrow” from others – consume it and make it your own – put YOU into it


  • Connecting 1-1

Give your complete attention – visual

Ask questions – intellectual

Honor boundaries, but break the touch barrier – emotionally

  • Connecting in a group

Set the example visually to your group

Invest in people’s growth – intellectually

Honor the group’s effort – emotionally

  • Connect with an audience